Why You Might Have the Wrong Love Languages

Are some love languages better indicators of real love than others?

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

The effortless languages

We choose our love languages based on what makes us feel loved. They let us readily tell our partners what matters most to us. How could there possibly be a wrong answer? That’s because some love languages require very little effort. Words of affirmation might make you feel loved, but are they really the best indicator that you are loved? No one who reads this (unless God forbid an 11-year-old stumbles across it) has been spared the pain of being told “I love you,” only to then be treated in a way that proves that wasn’t really the case.

The effortful love languages

What has never lied to you is actions. When somebody goes out of their way to spend time with you, expends effort and hard-earned money to give you gifts, and bends over backwards to do favors for you, you know they really care. Giving gifts does have some exceptions: Sugar daddies might see you as little more than a sex prop, but that’s just because they have enough disposable cash to spend it on people they don’t love. If someone is strapped for cash — that is, if they’re giving up the opportunity to get or do something for themselves because they’re paying for you to have or do it instead — then they’re not going to take it lightly.

Virtue signaling

It seems there might be some virtue signaling in our choice of love language. It’s as if to say, “I don’t need much, just your words and touch are sufficient.” A lot of times that representation doesn’t bear out. But a lot of us actually feel that way, and that’s exactly how things should be. It’s not that we need a person to do this or that for us to love them. It’s that a person demonstrating real effort lets us know they truly care for us. Isn’t that the ultimate point of the love languages to begin with?

In conclusion

There are no wrong ways to feel loved. There are, however, ways of communicating love that are easier to fake than others, and in this world of fickle and opportunistic people, it’s always good to look at the love languages that are the hardest to feign.

I put the “me” in Medium. • Author of “The Ambition Handbook: A Guide for Ambitious Persons” • Instagram: @writeofpassage

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store