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The Painful Glance
For some, self-awareness is too painful.
There are so many sad souls who feel such pain when looking in the mirror of self-reflection that, like Dorian Gray, they must forever hide that picture of their soul. When did a simple gaze become such a sharp and cutting thing? What a thrill of anguish comes over some by the direct observation of themselves, so that they must invent a million distractions and defenses, and attack with abandon at the most benign questioning.
Some people, when it comes to themselves, feel the need to lie about everything, to make up the most fantastic fables about their accomplishments, the way they’re treated, and the things they’ve done. As they go to speak the truth, it stifles and chokes them, and only the embellished lie can flow from their lips, though unfailingly it is followed by a qualm of quiet shame.
Just as one might run and hide from some frightening thing, we use lies to create a temporary shelter from the pain of truth. Lies are a hiding place. The problem with lying about who we are is that we cannot lie to ourselves. We must live with our hidden truth, and now the truth of our being a liar as well — a signal of weakness and low character. The truth can be so very painful, but lying is both cause and consequence of insecurity: We lie because our self-esteem is low, and we lower our self-esteem by making a liar of ourselves.
There is no more common fear than to see oneself exactly as one is, with nothing omitted or obscured.
Martin Vidal is the author of The Ambition Handbook: A Guide for Ambitious Persons
