Oh, yes, absolutely I did.

Let's discuss the first one. We'll call her C.

We saw each other for a long while, and the relationship never seemed to progress. I'm also avoidant, so it was an odd place for me to be because my partners tend to compensate for that.

I'd bring up to her how closed off we were being, and she'd tell me she was really bad about talking about things, and in fact, whenever I tried to have a direct conversation about anything to do with the nature of our relationship, she'd basically just say it made her uncomfortable and it'd stop.

I'd ask her how I could make her more comfortable and get her to open up. She'd just say she needed time to build up trust, but then she'd also disappear for weeks, and it'd be impossible to see her in person or talk frequently, and things would regress.

We compensated with physical affection. Lots of lovemaking and cuddling and lying on the couch embraced. But that was about it in the way of intimacy. After 6 months of dating, things were seemingly just as casual and closed off as they were in the first month. Over time it kind of just dwindled out completely.

The other, R, I had a much more developed relationship with. We lived together for a time, celebrated an anniversary, etc.

I'll be frank: I don't think she's a very good communicator. We talked about it a bunch of times. She did, however, get better over time, for the most part.

She blamed it in part on her culture. She's from an eastern european country where I guess they can be very matter of fact. That was part of the problem. I wrote about it directly in this article: https://medium.com/human-parts/my-grandparents-dont-get-along-993d2452cb96

But deeper than that, she wouldn't argue in good faith. She'd argue to win or to get me mad, and if I was able to keep my cool, I'd call her out on it.

We we were talking until recently (after a couple previous break ups), but I had to cut her off completely now. She was upset I came to Japan for two months (and am considering going to school here since it'd be way more affordable fo rme). I told her many, many times that I thought her anger/sadness in response to that was totally justified, but that two months wasn't that long, since we were already doing the long-distance thing and not seeing each other that frequently, and that we'd talk every day. I also told her that after those two months, we could have a more serious conversation because by then I'd have a better idea of whether I got into any schools here and actually want to make the transition.

Her response was to tell me over and over again about all the guys she was going to date. I was literally checking in on her during the hurricane that went to Florida, and she was like "Well, at least I'm not alone." and "I showed him your messages haha."

I kept my cool because I was worried about her physical safety, but as soon as the storm had passed, I told her that I was glad she was okay, but I found her behavior atrocious and that I didn't want to hear from her again unless it was about an apology and a promise to do better, that no one acting that way is staying in my life.

So that's an extreme example, but it was classic toxic behaviors around arguing the wrong way. I used to do the same, but I've gotten better about it, and I tried to get her to do the same. We should argue to fix things, not to beat each other, I'd tell her in real time. Over time it worked and we'd have productive discussions, until she got hurt, then she just wouldn't process or communicate well.

Ultimately, even if I can understand why somebody is acting someway, I still need my hard boundaries respected and something like that is completely unacceptable.

Long response! Hope that answers your questions!