Lol I wish, but how do I do that upfront in a way that doesn't come off as way too forward and even crude?

Well, and also insulting or dismissive. Because if we do start talking about sex before the act, then that means I like that person and am planning on having sex with them. So, I don't know, I could bring up then, but I'd just have to be like, "Sorry, it won't work then" afterwards.

Seems cold, but it might be preferable 🤷🏻‍♂️